The Adaptive Parenting Framework in Action

As a therapist working with kids I was inundated with more and more children needing services, and more parents looking for help. Parents were worried about their children's emotional health and were feeling overwhelmed themselves. I created Adaptive Parenting to provide those parents a place to learn and connect so they can help their kids lead happier, healthier lives. As a parent there is nothing better than seeing your child thriving, and having confidence that your parenting is right for the child you have.

The Adaptive Parenting Framework is designed to give you, the parent, a place to start when considering parenting decisions. The four quadrants are:

• Connection

• Understanding

• Consistency

• Uniqueness

When faced with a dilemma around parenting run through the following questions before making your decision:

1. Does this increase or decrease the connection I have with my child?

2. Do I fully understand the issue/request/behaviour?

3. Am I being consistent? What choice is the most consistent with my previous parenting choices?

4. Does this reflect the uniqueness of my child and our family?

Let's use this in a scenario that I run into frequently: My son has requested more screen time for gaming. My first reaction is to say no, but first I'm going to pause and run through the questions above. Here are my answers:

1. If he is focused on a screen then it likely decreases our connection, though it does increase his connection to friends.

2. The request is his solution to being bored. Our family was active yesterday and today is a low activity day. He connects with his friends through gaming. I feel like I do understand the request.

3. I often allow extra screen time if we have been active lately. Allowing him the extra time would be consistent with my previous decisions.

4. My son struggles socially and we all enjoy gaming in our family, so allowing him extra time does reflect our unique family.

This is a fairly simple example to demonstrate the framework. It allows you to see how the AP framework might be used in a scenario, and you can also see that not every answer points to the same outcome. There may be times when the answers are conflicting, in which case there may be other outcomes to consider.

Next time you have a parenting decision to make, try using the framework and see what you think. I'd love to hear from you!