Understanding

I’m standing in front of a class of 30 future social workers talking about human development, how a child grows, behaves, and learns, in early childhood. I want to share my experiences because I’m certain that just relaying the information contained in the textbook will only stay with them in the moment, then leave their minds the minute they walk out of the room. The sun is just rising over the buildings I can see outside of the second floor classroom window, and I shift a bit so the brightness is dimmed for a few more minutes, rather than closing the heavy blinds and leaving the classroom in the cold, overly bright fluorescent overheads. I pause my speech, wondering what I can add to the lecture to deepen their learning. How can I help my students to understand the nuances and importance of working with young children? How can I offer my passion for working with kids in a way that will resonate with their experience?

 

Teaching a class is a lot of work. Not only do you need to know your material really well, you need to encourage interaction, deeper learning, curiosity, and a desire to learn. The last thing you want is to just summarize a text, although admittedly that is an easier task than creating an environment for true learning. The written words offer only a piece of the learning puzzle. There is so much more to really understanding a subject. To really understand there needs to be some opportunity to question and interact with the words and information, then to try it out, to experience the learning. Finally, to get really good at something, we need to practice it, and gain feedback about how we could improve for next time. This is a lot to try and incorporate into a 12 week class!

 

As parents, we are learning on the fly. There is no single course to take that offers all the answers, and the learning lasts a lifetime. There is no one textbook to read. There is information available, and lots of it! There are many books, courses, classes, podcasts, videos and experts. They all offer similar, and different, ideas, tools, plans, charts and practices. They deal with different people, different issues, different philosophies, and take different perspectives. There is almost no limit to the information available, and, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably read, watched, and listened, to a lot of it. 

 

Here’s what I believe: there is no one right way to parent a child. There is no right, best, or perfect way to be a parent. Parenting is a combination of many factors including knowledge, experience, relationships and culture. It is also very much dependent on the child you are raising. This is where Adaptive Parenting comes in. 

 

Understanding as one of the pillars of the Adaptive Parenting Framework includes: 

1. Research and learning by exploring information available;

2. Gaining knowledge about your particular child, including how they think, their go-to emotional responses, and their motivations;

3. Reflecting on your own experiences and views, and how they influence your ways of being in the world, including the way you parent;

4. Experiencing different techniques or tools, and refining or modifying them to fit your family; 

5. Offering your learning to others in your child’s circle, including teachers, friends, grandparents and other extended family member. 

 

Understanding yourself, your child, and the way you interact and react together is crucial for Adaptive Parenting. It is possible to learn what is happening for your child, and how to best respond to their needs. Learning and understanding is complex, and has many facets. As you practice you will find it becomes easier and easier. In fact, there are certain things I do so naturally now, like front-loading, that I have to pause and really consider what and how I do it, in order to share the skill with others. 

 

Some of the understand you need you already have. If you have parented your child, you already have a huge depth of knowledge to draw upon. You already know some things that work and some things that don’t. Now you can take that knowledge, that understanding, and use the Adaptive Parenting Framework to put it all together in a helpful way, see where the gaps may be, and refine what already works. 

 

In my class the students had 3 main assignments to complete, and as parents, we have tasks and assignments every day, week, and month of the year. Some days, I feel like 3 assignments would be a lot easier, but the reward of a good grade pales in comparison to the joy of seeing positive changes in your child as they shift from struggling to thriving, and eventually become a kind and loving young adult.